September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day, and the back-to-school month is also a high-risk period when children's emotions can become troubled, warranting increased attention.
Prof. Paul Wong, an Associate Professor in the Department of Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong and an accredited registered clinical psychologist, has long researched suicide issues. Last year, in collaboration with the Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong, he initiated the first in-depth interview study in Hong Kong focusing on the changing emotional journeys of suicide loss survivors more than a decade after the incident.
The study found that they not only endured complex emotions such as grief, guilt, self-blame, and confusion but also faced significant pressure due to the social stigma surrounding suicide. Even as years pass, this remains an indelible wound in their hearts; some still tear up when discussing it, though others demonstrate instances of "post-traumatic growth."
In a recent exclusive interview with Wen Wei Po, Prof. Wong and his research team members mentioned that they have already compiled the emotional journeys of ten loss survivors into a book titled "The Distant Him." They hope this study will help the public understand the profound impact of suicide on loss survivors and let more relatives and friends of suicide victims know that there is a group of caring individuals and fellow travelers in society willing to care, listen, and accompany them.
Citing research, the Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong pointed out that one suicide can cause psychological trauma to 6 to 30 relatives or friends around the victim. With about 1,000 suicides occurring in Hong Kong each year, this means at least 6,000 to over 30,000 relatives and friends of suicide victims are affected annually.
Other studies indicate that the suicide risk among loss survivors is 60% to three times higher than that of the general population.
"Many years ago, everyone would ask a question: How does the grief of suicide loss survivors differ from the grief associated with other types of death?" Prof. Wong has been researching the relatives and friends of suicide victims since 2003 and, together with his team, has interviewed over a hundred such individuals. He concluded that much of this group's grief stems from self-doubt about whether they missed or did something wrong, leading to guilt. Coupled with the suddenness of the event, they are often left with many unanswered questions, making it difficult to accept.
"Moreover, some suicide victims pass away at a relatively young age, meaning their relatives and friends are also generally younger and may lack experience in handling funeral arrangements, especially in the past when the internet was not as developed. This can make them feel quite anxious." Some relatives may even develop prolonged grief disorder due to their sorrow. "If it lasts too long or becomes too severe, this could become a trigger for another psychological illness," and in severe cases, it may even increase the risk of suicide.
Fear of stigmatization
Prof. Wong also specifically mentioned that the stigmatization of suicide often brings distress to the relatives and friends of suicide victims.
"So-called 'stigmatization' involves many things. For one, some suicide victims may have had varying degrees of mental illness before their death. Many family members mentioned that simply telling others about their family member's condition already carries a stigma."
On the other hand, after the tragedy occurs, they also worry about external comments and perceptions.
"Questions like 'Did you have a part in causing the suicide?'—many family members fear that others' words will hurt them, so they often choose to remain silent." The pain can only be hidden in their hearts, making them a group that is difficult for the outside world to detect.
"Aside from publishing the book, this research project also featured a program on Hong Kong Connection last year. Shortly after it aired, hundreds of people left comments online, many saying they had also been grieving for years but had never spoken to anyone about it."
Opening up and expressing one's pain is certainly not easy. Chan, the research director of "The Distant Him" and a PhD candidate in the Department of Social Work and Social Administration at the University of Hong Kong, shared that even though the interviewed relatives had lost their loved ones more than ten years ago, "to us, this might seem like a long time, but for the relatives, it really varies from person to person. Some feel it was 'like just two weeks ago,' and the emotions are still heavy. When discussing the event again, or recalling memories, how their lives have changed, and how family structures have been altered, it inevitably brings sorrow and tears, even to the point of being unable to speak through sobs."
Interviewees urge those in distress to seek help actively
Even though the grief remains, the ten relatives featured in the book were willing to share their experiences. Some hoped to use their own experiences to help those in need, while others wished to encourage the public to seek appropriate help when facing difficult thoughts. Some have even become volunteers at suicide prevention organizations, accompanying other relatives as fellow travelers to help them overcome their hardships, demonstrating the possibility of post-traumatic growth.
"They made me see that Hong Kong truly has many caring people, full of great love... but this is indeed an indelible wound," Prof. Wong quoted a past analogy that compared a relative's suicide to a physical scar—even if it heals, the mark never truly disappears. "This scar remains in the heart, invisible to others, which makes it even harder to bear."
Through the book, Prof. Wong wants more people to understand that suicide brings lifelong grief to relatives and friends.
"If, unfortunately, someone thinks about going to the rooftop, they might remember reading this book or think about the people around them, avoiding taking that step." The book introduces the one-stop service launched by the Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong for relevant relatives and friends. "We have held multiple sharing sessions and seen that there are several suicide loss survivors in the community. They have kept their feelings buried for a long time, and we very much want to provide platforms and pathways to let them know there are still people who care about them, so they won't feel too lonely."
Finally, there is, of course, public education. While society pays attention to suicide cases, "we must never forget the impact suicide victims leave on the people around them."
(Source: Wen Wei Po; Journalist: Keung Kar-hin; English Editor: Darius)
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