A Thousand Hamlets | Morbius movie review: It's Marvel blockbuster time – you know the drill

By J.B.Browne

There are some things absolutely no one needs in this world, and a new Marvel blockbuster with flashy CGI and seizure-inducing action sequences is one of them. The film begins. As the first stabs of deathly sub-bass shake the darkness, my vibrating seat starts twitching like a tweaking mechanical bull, causing me great stress.

Cinemagoing is nothing without a Marvellian blockbuster flexing some budget muscle in the listings these days. Multiple screenings, 3D, 2D, 1D, IMAX, and kiddie matinees. It's endless how much they invade our consciousness when the season is in, and this being Summer, here's our #marvelmoment. Some people go to the cinema for the intrigue of acquiring deep insight into the human condition — the medium's absolute highest potential — but not often. Instead, people crave distraction from their between-the-screens-moneymaking lives, and going to the cinema is one way to shut it all out. Even if for a brief moment. Sometimes it doesn't matter what's playing, you just want to forget what's outside those darkened walls, and if you're lucky to snag a vibrating seat, you just might find yourself existing on or through the screen a little extra.

Perhaps that's the point. Perhaps Morbius is the greatest cinematic achievement this side of the 22nd Century because it does what it's supposed to do. Before entering the darkness, I made the honest mistake of reading the poster as Möbius, which is like the Möbius strip or Möbius loop — a one-sided surface with no boundaries. Incidentally, the Möbius strip is our beloved city's Octopus card logo, with that infinity symbol or stretched out number 8.

Starring Jared Leto, Möbius also stars British Dr. Who Matt Smith and Jared Harris, who has done god's work on things like Mad Men, The Crown, and the one about Chernobyl. Adria Arjona Torres is the female character and is either underused or overused; I can't figure it out this far along. So far, the two leads are undoubtedly Leto and Smith, who are playing the Darkside/Lightside dynamic we're all expecting but with a teeny twist. Dr. Michael Möbius is the bad guy, and Milo (Smith) is the worst guy. The only thing differentiating them is Möbius's refusal to drink blood or "red" as a vampire and Milo's enthusiasm to drink blood from people's necks as a vampire.

Thankfully, Möbius has invented fake "white" blood because he's a Marvelous genius, so we as the audience don't demonize him as much as the film tries to scare us with the visual juxtaposition of how scary he looks. He's a good guy underneath. As far as I can tell, he's basically Hulk heroin chic or anti-hero on diet pills. It's pretty much almost the same premise as Hulk other than the thinness. The lab, the moods and the struggle, the transformations, and the yearning for the plot-pivoting female character.

Nevertheless, this is a SONY Marvel offering, not a Disney Marvel offering, coming instead from the same galaxy as Spider-Man and Venom. Still, it's the first time Möbius has been on the big screen, and I have a vibrating seat ticket stub to prove it. How does one do film reviews without giving the central plot away? Other than Möbius and his surrogate brother Milo having some family issues, shall we say, there isn't really a plot. It's just action and CGI. Am I the only one in here who doesn't really care who lives? Now we're in what looks to be the London Underground, but I thought the movie was meant to be taking place in New York? It's all very confusing, and the direction just doesn't suspend your disbelief quite enough to not notice these things.

Just as balmy gusts of air from a London Underground train start to take expensive visual form as airy digital whisps, there's quite the flying sequence that had my seat vibrating like a hair metal guitar solo. After this sequence, the pre-screening burger and beer meal started to take hold.

Excuse me.

"You can't take drinks or food back inside because of the pandemic," the usher serving drinks and popcorn in the foyer informs me AFTER we settle our transaction.

Armed with a small coke and some sugared popcorn, I cram as much of both into my mouth and notice the giant poster opposite me: Morbius, not Möbius. Hmmm, interesting...

I throw the rest away and walk back into the blackness to some electromagnetic pulses raging across the screen over London again. Still, it could be CGI New York. It's hard to tell. The close-ups have a British vibe, but the wide shots have more American energy. Anyway, the city pulses are very impressive. They sync up perfectly to my vibrating chair when I sit back down. I wonder if it had been vibrating the whole time I was outside or whether it has some detector to know when I sit and when to perform.

The film rolls on for the standard open-ended ending making way for a sequel. My seat stops moving. I marvel at how far we've come with technology. I marvel at the list of names rolling up above people exiting as the house lights go on. None look up to notice. I wonder how many hours of hard work and how many lives it took to put something up on screen in the name of entertainment. I predict that SONY will make heaps of cash to make an even more blockbustery Morbius 2. I marvel at the silent solidarity I feel with the 20-odd people who sat with me in the cold dark for the last 1 hour and 48 minutes, time that has melted away for each and every one of us forever. I marvel that maybe half of them loved it and half of them didn't. I marvel that some just wanted to get away from the outside. I marvel that that's ok and is the point.

As he would refer himself, J.B. Browne is a half "foreign devil" living with anxiety relieved by purchase. HK-born Writer/Musician/Tinkerer.

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